Proofreader: Vivi & Foreverhungry 🙂
Yue Lao was very sad.
This was his 28th failure as a matchmaker.
He sat on the ground with his excessively long, white beard coiled at his feet. He held his face and comforted himself once more, “Failure is the mother of success.”
“What happened?” Yue Lao’s good friend, the Flower God, sat beside him and asked. The Flower God was the immortal in charge of the life and death of flowers in the human world.
“The Emperor is too difficult to handle!” Yue Lao said angrily, “I’ve given that facially paralysed man 28 potential brides yet none of them has sparked his interest. What’s more, these women will break it off by themselves within a month. This will definitely spoil my reputation if it spreads out!”
“The Emperor is a proud person. It is normal for him to look down upon those concubines and courtesans.”
Yue Lao looked at him as if he were looking at an alien, “Big bro, it’s the 21st century. Speak a bit bolder. What are you being so bookish for?”
The Flower God gave a casual wave and the daffodils on the table suddenly blossomed, “I do not understand the present way of speaking. In any case, I will be retiring soon.” The Flower God was already over a thousand years old and had a son who had just turned 300. The Flower God was preparing to hand his position over to him.
Yue Lao was extremely envious, “That’s good, having a son is really good.”
“If you get married and have children, you will naturally have one.”
“It’s popular to be single nowadays. An eligible bachelor, understand?” Yue Lao stood up, “Let’s go and see your son.”
In Yue Lao’s eyes, the Flower God’s son looked like a flower.
One word: Beautiful.
Two words: A beauty.
Three words: A little beauty.
Four words: As beautiful as jade.
Yue Lao circled around, clicking his tongue and sighed in admiration, “Old Flower, your looks are so disappointing, but how is your son this good-looking?”
The little Flower God smiled sweetly, “Grandpa Yue Lao.”
“Be good. Don’t call me Grandpa, call me Godfather.”
Little Flower God, “…Hello, Godfather.” The little Flower God wasn’t like the old Flower God. He had read many books, and his speech also kept up with the times.
“Very good,” Yue Lao rubbed his head. “Come, come, come. Have a chat with Godfather. Are there any girls that you like?”
“Godfather, you look like one of those bandit gang leaders who buy and sell using coercion.”
Yue Lao sent the Flower God away to make tea and pulled the little Flower God down to sit with him, “I have no choice. It’s all about promoting the freedom of matrimony these days. It isn’t easy for Godfather to work. Not only am I responsible for matchmaking, I even have to help them meet by chance. I’m simply working myself to death.”
The little Flower God saw that his dad has gone far away and asked, “You said you were helping the Emperor find a bride last time. Have you succeeded?”
“Succeeded my ass!” Yue Lao’s face flushed, “I’ve tried 28 times and those girls have never even seen the Emperor’s face.”
“Why didn’t they?”
“Some thought that being a girl was enough and refused to lower themselves to visit and pay respects. Others like that Northern Sea’s Princess tried to visit the Emperor and had the door slammed in her face.” Yue Lao made a discouraged face, “Don’t learn from the Emperor, or you won’t get a wife even when you’re thousands of years old, making it so I can’t get my matchmaking fee either.”
“Oh,” the little Flower God nodded, “Then is Godfather going to try for the 29th time?”
“I am.” Yue Lao glanced at him, “Why are you suddenly asking this for? Do you have a recommendation?”
“Mhm.” The little Flower God pointed to himself.
Yue Lao’s two eyebrows flew to the sky, “Why does someone as young as you especially want to be gay?!”
Yue Lao knew about gay men.
But Yue Lao disagreed with the little Flower God wanting to be gay.
“Your dad would twist your head off if he knew what you just said.” Yue Lao warned him in a low voice. The Flower God was a very, very traditional man. “Moreover, the Emperor is more than a thousand years older than your dad.”
“But the Emperor is so handsome!”
“What handsome?” Yue Lao casually took out a book from his pocket 《The Cold-Hearted President Seduced the Younger Sister》. “Doesn’t he look like these facially paralysed, pretentious, indifferent, and merciless characters in the eyes of you young people?”
“No. Besides, the Emperor is amazing. His martial arts is high and he doesn’t have any scandals, keeping himself chaste. He is very well-suited to me.”
“What use do martial arts have? Society is ruled by law now and peace is paramount,” Yue Lao took yet another book from his bosom, 《The Unknown Love Affairs of the Emperor 》. “As for chasteness? I don’t think so.”
“Hold on!” The little Flower God cried out, “Godfather, you actually read these kinds of books! I’m going to tell everyone.”
Yue Lao quickly hid it, “Anyway, I don’t agree. I won’t matchmake the two of you.”
“Oh?” The little Flower God grabbed Yue Lao’s beard and tugged hard, “What about now?”
Yue Lao squawked in pain, “Ya little ancestor!”
“Speak less nonsense. Are you going to do it or not?”
“I’ll do it, I’ll do it, I’ll do it!”
Little Flower God released his hand, “Hurry and do what you promised. I’ll watch you pull the red string.”
Yue Lao performed the matchmaking. He found the little Flower God and the Emperor, and pulled a red string between the two people, “Are you satisfied?”
Little Flower God touched his chin, staring at the Emperor’s name with a light in his eyes, “The Emperor is mine.”